I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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