Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize