hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
