I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize