trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize