You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
