So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize