I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
