I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
