My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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