then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
