I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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