also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
