Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
