i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i think i just lost a toe
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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