Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
