i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
