Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
