"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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