If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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