Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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