wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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