his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
