: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
