I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
