Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
