woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize