M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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