Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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