We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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