I wanna bring you to show and tell
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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