I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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