I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
