I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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