i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
tell me about the eggs
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