he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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