There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
