true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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