I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
