I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
