She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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