im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
