Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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