apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
