From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
pray to the hookup gods
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
