if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hippo gnu deer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
