I just made out with a guy for $7.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
