You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
