I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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