You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
